An extra zero.

I had a bit of a home field advantage as I hiked the Long Trail. After meeting hikers during the first week from as far away as Hawaii and Germany, I realized I had it easier than most in terms of coordinating food drop offs and meeting with my family to resupply. Easy for me, but not necessarily for my wife Susan and two children, Kate and Rob. Buoyed by meeting them after seven long days on the trail, I was given the opportunity to clean up, shave and wash my clothes. What made this possible was the efforts of Susan. I was asking much of her to take on being alone with the children for three straight weeks. The kids were in school and day care, and Susan also worked full time. Managing all of this as well as driving two hours to meet me on time was a mammoth undertaking. I’m not sure I fully realized this at the time.

If the first week on the trail was good for building confidence and getting your body physically acclimated to life on the trail, then week two went a long way towards “getting inside your head.” Almost immediately as the second week begins, the traffic on the trail thins out. AT thru-hikers veer off towards the east and being the long trek towards Mount Katahdin and the trail terminus in Maine. The Labor Day weekend warriors have also all gone home along with the college groups. The community and party atmosphere of the first 100 miles gives way to solitude and introspective ponderings.  

Personally, I felt I now belonged here on the trail and began to ask myself repeatedly, “What if I succeed?” I had long been plagued by self doubt in my life. I had few close friends and attributed that to my stale or conservative personality. I was deserted by my parents at the tender age of 17. This followed a childhood that was far from traditional. Mom and dad rarely attended any school related activities despite the fact that I was above average both academically and starred on several sports teams. I often felt as though I raised myself and did a pretty good job doing so. Even still, I wondered why my parents had a difficult time being more involved in what I chose to do with my life and figured that most other people did not care all that much either.

As the second week progressed and the community I had entered into evaporated just as quickly, I found myself alone on the trail with all these thoughts. Ironically, I had never spent a night completely alone in the woods. I still am scared of the dark and of being alone in the woods. My mind raced back to a time in my youth when my father made me wait for two hours in the night time woods while he returned to the house to retrieve more batteries; his flashlight had died and we were tracking a deer he had wounded while bow hunting. I had three days in a row where I saw few people and those I did pass were hiking in the opposite direction. I slept alone each night in open-air lean-tos. I became much better acquainted with who I was that week.

As the miles passed during this second week, physical strength was no longer the limited factor as it had been the first week. With no one to push me faster up the trail and no one to look after my safety and well-being, this section of trail was my only company. My daily routine was eerily similar to a workweek at home; rise with the sun, prepare breakfast, clean, dress, pack for the day and head out the door to the office. While I still cherished the independence this trip offered me, I was pulled to the end of my second week on the trail knowing I would see my wife and children. The urgency of wanting to be together again coupled with waning supplies and deteriorating weather allowed me reach our predetermined meeting spot a full day early. (Fortunately, for me my cell phone had enough battery life left and a faint enough signal to make the connection).  

By the end of week two, I felt light. Not only had I lost approximately 15 pounds, but mentally I was elated to have completed the trip thus far. The house was warm and the feeling of family took on added significance after a week alone. Furthermore, I was ahead of schedule which rewarded me with an extra “zero” day at home. This had been one of my most fulfilling accomplishments thus far – to be on schedule. Planning was never my forte and to know I had completed nearly 200 miles and was nearly spot on with my estimations, gave me reason to feel I could truly finish this trip I had begun.